can feel it in my bones, we all can, when we give it time. that ugliness that lives inside of us, all of us peopel.
to conquer. right? do you never feel that way?
to feast? do you never get that urge? the urge to purge while you know others all around the world are starving…small children starving to death while i eat quesidillas…while i microwave a fish sandwich…a hot pocket…microwaved pork rinds…who the fuck asked for microwaved pork rinds?
me. me. me. me. me. me.
okay? is that okay?
to have my head roll around old ideas, when i was once bold, and braven. my old head, and those old young ideas. it never works that way,
now i am an old coward.
now i hunker down, and bow my head.
i cower in the fashion of a craven individual.
tired all of the time, except when i need to be.
like now. they tell me now.
this is when my head works. this is when i hunker down. this is where the magic happens. at odd hours in the middle of the evening.
to hug the 16 and a half year old me while he spit in my old face…so many ways i could have gone, but i went every wrong way, and now here i am, getting used to my old man bones, one day at a time. every day is a gift.
i celebrate when the urge strikes me.
i smile when i can.
i stare dimwittedly into random fires when the opportunity arises.
how are you?